


5 times things almost ended and the 1 time it did

by Listless_Songbird



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Do Not Archive (The Magnus Archives), Hurt No Comfort, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, no happy ending, this is not a happy story please be warned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2020-06-27 05:12:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19783951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Listless_Songbird/pseuds/Listless_Songbird
Summary: Set during season three, Jon and Tim dance around their suicidal impulses until eventually they dont





	5 times things almost ended and the 1 time it did

**Author's Note:**

> Read the warnings! Please be safe and kind to yourself and dont read this if it will trigger you, go make some tea and grab a soft blanket instead.

1

Tim has been coming and going from the institute via the tunnels more and more these days. Its a brief break from feeling the pounding pressure of Elias’s, or whoever- whatever is watching them. And it's not like Elias gives a damn how he gets there as long as he puts in the hours like a good little hostage. So what he’s saying is he knows the tunnels fairly well by now. So when he hears the sound of something breathing harshly he can pinpoint which direction it’s coming from despite the echo. Curious more than anything he turns round the corner and looks to see what it is. 

Whatever he was expecting? This wasn’t it. Jon was angled away from him, seemingly not aware that Tim was behind him. He had a knife in one hand, and his other arm out palm down. As Tim watched, Jon cut three slices across the back of his arm at varying depth, the first one barely a scratch and the last one bordering on dangerous. Jon stared at them for a few moments and Tim was just preparing to turn around and leave because he honestly didn’t care what shitty coping mechanism Jon was using. He had other problems to deal with and this didn’t even rank in the top 20.

However just as he starts to turn around Tim sees Jon turn his arm over and wipe the blood off his wrist and forearm before positioning the knife at the inside of his elbow. Tim immediately understands what Jon is about to do, and he sees red.

He slams into Jon from behind, clearly taking Jon by surprise and when the knife falls Tim kicks it as far down the tunnel as he can manage before rounding on a shellshocked Jon.

“Oh hell no. This is not a something that’s happening now. You don’t get to fucking do this. Who says you get to take the easy way out while the rest of us are stuck dealing with _your_ problems?” Tim towers over Jon who is still on the floor, he’s starting to shout now but he _doesn’t care_. 

“You think Elias will give a shit about the rest of us when his precious Archivist is dead? No. He’ll just off the lot of is and start again.” Tim hauls an all but nonresponsive Jon to his feet. He grabs Jon’s arm and twists it behind him, digging his nails into the cuts on Jon’s arm as he shoves Jon forward. 

Tim takes Jon to his apartment because he doesn’t know Jon’s address and isn’t going to give Jon the chance to finish what he started by being dumb enough to leave Jon alone. Jon barely seems aware of his surroundings and doesn’t react to Tim putting a glass of water and a sleeping pill in front of him until Tim slaps him. 

Tim waits until the pill seems to kick in before all but shoving Jon onto his couch and going to bed.

* * *

2

Jon isn’t quite sure how to act around Tim now, which, he supposes would be more of an issue if Tim hadn’t been very aggressively ignoring and avoiding him. So it’s much to Jon’s surprise when he actually does run into him. Tim is in one of the back rooms with a map of some forest that Jon cant can’t place spread out over the table, and beside it a list of supplies and what seems to be a time table. 

Tim stiffens when he hears Jon behind him before biting out.

“Go. Away.” 

And Jon was just about to leave him to it, when he notices that next to the timetable is a to do list that is very familiar to Jon. While its written in Tim’s hand, the items on it are all things that Jon had started the process of before Tim had found him in the tunnels. It was obvious Tim was getting his affairs in order and that whatever trip he was planning? He wasn’t expecting to make it back. 

Jon really didn’t know what to say, didn’t think there was anything he could say, so he just stepped around Tim and dumped the water bottle Tim had set on the table next to them over all it. He had been braced for the punch that he knew was coming, but that didn’t do much against the pain, but he pushed through it and began to collect all the papers, tearing and crumpling them before dumping them in the trash. 

Right as Tim was gearing up for for another punch Jon grabs him by his collar and drags him out the door. It absolutely shouldn’t have worked. Jon had no leverage and significantly less strength that Tim, but he supposed the shock of the action gave him enough time to pull Tim into his office and shut and lock the door. 

Jon let go and pulled his desk chair over to sit in front of the door for good measure before picking up a file he had been working on and starting to fill it out again. Tim seemed to snap out of whatever had let Jon drag him here and immediately shoved Jon so hard that his head hit the door behind him. Tim began ranting about Jon’s hypocrisy and high handed bullshit, and all the while Jon remains in his seat doing his work. 

After about 15 minutes all the anger seemed to fall out of Tim leaving him pale and shaking. When Tim slowly lowers himself to the floor and puts his head in his hands Jon stands up and grabs two new files before settling down next to Tim and handing him one.

* * *

3

It's an awful week and everything had been building up to and unbearable level so when they ran into each other in the tunnels again neither could find it within themselves to be surprised. 

Jon had managed to get ahold of one of Basira’s guns without her knowing and held it very awkwardly at his side. Tim had a bottle of cheap vodka in one hand, and two very full pill bottles in the other. Tim looked between his hands and Jon’s and just collapsed back against the wall and choked out a laugh. 

“That’s certainly a quicker way than any I had planned. What, were you afraid I’d find you before you went through with it again?” Jon laughed and sank to the floor next to Tim,

“Considering the fact that you _have_ stumbled upon me, I believe it was justified. Not necessarily how I would have _ideally_ chosen to go out, but needs must. Now that you’re here however I will propose a trade for that bottle.” Tim looked at his hands and then down at Jon.

“You’re gonna have to be more specific boss, i’ve got several to choose from. Pick your poison. Painkillers, sleep meds or alcohol?” Jon gestures to the vodka and hands over the gun grip first. Tim hands over the bottle before taking the gun and considering it.

“You think its safe to hand me this boss? I could kill you right here, and no one would know for at least a day.” Jon just lets out another snort and takes a long pull from the bottle before coughing slightly at the burn and looking over to stare down the barrel as Tim pointed it at him

“I refuse to be killed by an idiot Tim, please refrain from becoming one. Threatening to shoot me with _the gun I was planning on using to kill myself_ is not an effective threat.” Tim drops the barrel back to pointing at the floor and takes his finger off the trigger before hitting his head against the wall and shaking with breathless laughter. 

After the laughter tappers off Jon offers up the bottle towards Tim. Tim slumps and tosses the pill bottles into Jon’s lap before grabbing the bottle and breathing out a broken sigh. 

“I’ll get this back into Basira’s bag, you get rid of those. I really don’t care how, just do it.” Tim pushes off the wall and starts walking back to the institute while Jon stands up to go find one of the flooded tunnels to dump the pills.

* * *

4

The next time happens when Jon realizes his mistake about three minutes after asking Tim to find something in artifact storage. After the tunnels the two of them definitely didn’t get along, but they weren’t ignoring the existence of the other anymore. Jon grabs a bag of some sort of junk food from Tim’s desk, and heads up to storage as well. 

Sure enough Tim had made his way over to the high security section of the storage and was reading a cautionary sign next to a spoon that claimed to be permanently poisonous no matter how much it was cleaned. 

Jon walked up besides Tim and held out the bag, waiting till Tim had grabbed some before reaching in and grabbing some for himself. Tim looked over and eyed Jon.

“I know for a fact that there is a very large sign at the front door prohibiting ‘any and all food or consumable items’ that you’re in direct violation of.” Jon shrugged

“What’s Elias going to do? Shoot me?” Tim laughed 

“That’s fair. Now, Which one of these would _you_ choose?” He points from the spoon to what seems like a pillow case.”Im leaning to the poison because then at least I’d be dead, the pillow apparently just puts you in a coma until you die from malnutrition.” Jon considered the two before turning around and moving deeper into the storage,

“Well, there was this knife, we think it was something from the slaughter…”

The two of them ended up walking around the artifact storage for a long while, pointing out various items and ranking which one they’d choose.

* * *

5

Tim walks in to Jon’s office for something and finds Jon contemplating his arm with a knife in his other hand. When the door had opened Jon had looked up and just sighed turning the knife around to hand it to Tim handle first. Neither of them acknowledged the exchange and as soon as Tim had tucked the knife into his pocket he just asked for the paperwork he needed and left.

Jon is walking by Tim’s desk on the way to grab a statement when Tim glances up and passes him a bottle of pills before looking back down at his work. Jon makes a quick stop in the bathroom to flush them before carrying on with what he had been doing.

* * *

+1

Jon hands Tim the detonator and know that this is going to be the last time. Tim takes it and Jon can see the exhausted relief in his eyes. The others had gone ahead presumably to give the two of them some privacy and Tim speaks up for the first time since they had finalized the plan. His voice is hoarse and he’s speaking in a low harsh whisper, meant for Jon’s ears only.

“Dont you fucking dare follow me boss. Dont you fucking dare. You’re going to get the hell out of this and keep the others safe because if anyone can its you and your _creepy fucking_ powers. This is _mine_ and you dont get to take that from me by making it worthless. Its your fault that we’re all trapped in this and you dont get to die because of that. You have to stay here and suffer because that’s what you fucking deserve.” 

Jon had closed his and set his mouth in a grim line as Tim had started talking and once he was done he harshly dragged a hand down his face before pulling a switch blade out of his pocket and handing it to Tim. 

The sound Tim let out as he took it from Jon’s hands was practically a growl and Jon braced himself for a punch. Tim shoved the knife in his back pocket and yanked Jon into a bone crushing hug. It was there and gone before Jon had a chance to react and then Tim was gone, heading to catch up with the others leaving Jon trying to firm himself against the tears that were pricking at his eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> So Theres That. 
> 
> Let me know what you think, and if you, understandably need to come yell at me im at  
> that-beheld-bastard.tumblr.com


End file.
